Struggles.

      Okay, I'm struggling. In so many ways. The biggest way being that I am struggling to get anything productive done. For example, I have about 80 pages of material to read, a two page response to write (the hard part there is it's in APA...what?), and physics homework to do. Okay, so the physics homework can wait until Thursday night, but still. What am I doing instead of these things? Blogging and pretending like it's something very important that I had to get done tonight. Most likely, I will spend 30+ minutes working on this, then go to church for an hour or so, then come home and talk about all of the things I have to do, then go to bed. What the heck is wrong with me? I feel like I've spent my life savings on school supplies, but if you know of anywhere I can purchase some motivation, let me know.

      Does this ever happen to you? I mean, I'm literally sitting here refusing to do work. I am sitting here trying not to freak out about the fact that I've lost a grip on what I thought I had a grip on but never really had a grip on in the first place. Does that make sense? Yeah, I didn't expect it would. I'm the kind of person who likes to have total control of everything going on in my life. When it feels like things are going well, it's so easy to say, "Let go and let God!" Why is that so hard to say when things aren't making any sense. In my heart, I know this is just a phase. I know it's impossible to know the worth of this life if you never know the struggles of it. All I want right now is to know something. Anything, really. I want to wake up in the morning and be sure of something. 

      Today was just another day in the awful Tuesday/Thursday hellaciousness I have created for myself this semester. I know that's not a real word, but it's a made up word that perfectly describes what Tuesdays and Thursdays have become for me. After my first two classes, I was already ready for a nap. Alas, I still had to go to my two most challenging classes. Both of them drained my brain of the little juice it had left very quickly. If Brittany hadn't left her apartment open for me, I probably would have sat outside in the rain crying or something for my hour break. Instead, I got to lay on her comfy warm couch until Physics lab. Want to hear the great part about that? I now have my third consecutive super Asian TA. As if Bing and Jing didn't give me my fill, I now have Zhenyu...I think. Whatever, it'll be an experience...right?

      Thank God (literally) that Alive is tonight. I could really use some adoration time, and confession probably wouldn't be a bad idea. Actually, it would be the best thing I could do for myself right now. There's just nothing like the clean slate feeling you get after that, and my slate needs some serious cleaning right now. I know this post is a super annoying one because all I'm going is complaining, but I feel like it's something I need to write out for my own good. I promise there are happier times to come. Until then, I'll leave you with one of my favorite pictures from Kingston. Knowing I get to see these folks again in less than four months is the only thing getting me through the awful monotony of this semester's curriculum. Later!

One of my bestestestest friends.