The Tug on My Heartstrings.

      Has it really been almost two months since I've posted something? Shame on me! Truth is, until now, I had nothing to say. There is a part of me that has just been so unsatisfied with a lot of things in my life, and I've let it get the best of me. Lucky for you, I'm done moping and whining about it! 

      In two days, I start my junior year of college. I really can't believe that I'm already halfway done with my undergrad time at LSU! This place has been so good to me, and the longer I'm here, the more I understand why people love this place for decades after they've graduated. I can't wait to see what this year has in store for me. There are so many opportunities I can hardly stand it!

      So, what inspired me to post tonight, you ask? Oh...you didn't ask? Too bad. Earlier, a friend and I were talking about life in Jamaica and how much better it seems than life here. The people we spend most of our time with there have no family, no possessions, and no chance of ever living an independent life again (if they were one of the few to live independently before). How can we live in one of the most, if not the most, prosperous countries in the world and still feel so empty inside? It's probably because we're seeking out the wrong things. While I was thinking about Jamaica, two things came to mind. First, this picture:

Have you ever seen anything more perfect than that? Immediately after I looked at this picture, I thought about this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

      If those two things don't go together, then I don't know what does. Each and every day, we should challenge ourselves to become the kind of love spoken of in this terribly misunderstood Bible verse. This is not about man's love for a woman but about God's love for his creation. Although we will never be able to achieve this perfect love, we should strive to get as close as possible. We should be able to say, "I am patient, I am kind. I am not envious, I do not boast, I am not proud," and so on. I don't know about you, but that's not something I can honestly say very often. Tomorrow afternoon, I'm going to challenge myself to living this out as I'm surrounded by people who are not typically present in my comfort zone, and I can't wait to see what they're going to teach me. Later!

Post-Jamaica Life.

      I can't believe that one month ago today, I was on my way home from Kingston. I was so ready to eat some red meat, and my feet were finally returning to a size that allowed me to wear more than just flip flops again. Life since then has been crazy busy, but I've loved every minute of it! Here's a little taste of what I've been up to.

LSU Softball made it to the World Series!
      When I got off the plane in Miami, I was dying to find out if they'd made it past regionals. As soon as I got on the internet, I saw an article saying they were headed to Missouri. That meant they'd made it to supers! I would have rerouted my New Orleans flight to Missouri right then if I could have! Instead, I had to settle for watching the series at home. Before I knew it, they were celebrating a Super Regional victory and heading to Oklahoma City for the first time in eight years. There was no way I was going to miss that, so me, my mom, my brother, and my road trip buddy Celia packed up the car and headed on a little impromptu vacation to Oklahoma. It was Wednesday, and we had to be back by Friday night for a wedding, but the 20+ hours of traveling didn't even phase us.
      I didn't tell Alex we were coming, and she claims to this day that she was totally surprised.  It was so great to watch them compete in one of the most exciting games of their lives, and I'm so glad we made the trip up. They won one game and lost two, and the fact that they finished as a Top 10 team still blows my mind. Softball is still one of my least favorite sports, but I would go to every LSU game if I could. I mean I've got to have something to talk about when I'm hanging out with those crazies!

ASA Hall of Fame Park. So awesome!

Hayley got married!
      I still can't believe this finally happened! I think we've all been waiting for this day for years. It's crazy that my first good friend has gotten married. Doesn't this start a chain reaction or something? The wedding was at St. Joe's in Rayne, and the reception was at some beautiful place in the middle of nowhere in Iota. Hayley and Cory looked so happy the entire time, and I was just so happy for them. If I do decide to have a wedding that actually involves guests, I hope it's a lot like hers. That reception was probably the most fun party we've ever been to!

Reunited and it feels so gooooood.

Hayley amazes me everyday. I know I definitely couldn't handle raising a child, much less raising a child while staying in school, getting good grades, and doing what it takes to get into dental hygiene school. All that endurance training as a kid sure paid off!

Seriously, could she be any more beautiful?

Summer school started.

      This has honestly turned out to be one of the worst decisions ever! I spend my mornings in class, my afternoons at work, and then I come home and turn down all offers to hang out because I have to study. It feels nothing like summer! Yes, I'll be happy to have this class out of the way in two weeks, but there are about a million other things I'd rather be doing with my time right now. Lesson learned! At least I have Hannah here to endure the misery with me.

      Admittedly, life has been weird since getting back from Jamaica. There are so many things I want to do, but I feel so tied down by so many things. I hate it! I feel like a sick child who is watching everyone else play outside. I want to be overseas or at least on the other side of the Mississippi River with all of my friends. Once school is over, I have plans to do all kinds of stuff. Hopefully one of those things is a last minute vacation with my bro to somewhere exciting! We'll see. Until then, you'll have to deal with my boring rants. Later!

   

Jamaica, Part IV.

      I've loved reliving this trip as I've written about it, and I'm so sad this is the last entry. I'm ready to go back!

Days 9 and 10
      We used Day 9 as a day of silent reflection, so from 9am until about 6:30pm, we hardly spoke. You can imagine that I almost lost my mind, but I'll admit I definitely needed to shut my mouth up so I could listen to my heart for a while.
      After spending most of the day reading from the Bible and napping (it was so hard to stay awake!), I went to confession for the first time in...let's just say ages. It's always been such a chore to drag myself to the confessional when I need to, and every time I finally do, I just want to slap myself for waiting so long. So many people are quick to say that you don't need to go to confession when you can just talk to God about it whenever you want, but there is something so special about being in the confessional and feeling your sins completely lifted off of your shoulders. It's so hard to explain, but it's one of the best feelings in the world! Asking God for forgiveness outside of the sacrament just isn't comparable at all to me.
      That night, we had our last big dinner with the brothers on the patio.  Caroline, Garrett, Adele, and I sat with Father Hayden, one of the first brothers to join Fr. Ho Lung.  He is so crazy!  At one point, he casually told us how he had been kicked out of India three times. We laughed because we thought it was a joke, but he was serious! When you think about Catholic brothers, especially MOPs, you don't think of men who hide from the law, overstay their visas, and sneak people in and out of countries. That's exactly what they do though! If I could have dinner on that patio every night with those brothers, I'm pretty sure I'd never see another sad day.
      The next day, we spent the morning cleaning the house before leaving for the airport. Around noon, we hopped in the back of the "air conditioned" bus, meaning the open air cattle truck, and headed to the airport. Before I knew it, we were back in New Orleans and headed for the capital city. Brother Elijah jokingly told us to go home for the weekend and come back on Monday. Little did he know we all would have done just that if we could have!

      I don't even know if there are words to describe how much the people of Jamaica mean to me. They've changed me in ways that I didn't know I needed to be fixed, and they've shown me a love that I don't think I'll ever find elsewhere. They've taught me to be patient, to be kind, and to love without reservations. They've taught me how to close my selfish mind and open my thirsty heart to God so that He can use me as His instrument. Through them, I have learned how to be truly happy and to entrust my life and my future to a man that I can't even see. The peace I feel on my heart when I'm there is something that I'm constantly striving to find back home, but it's just so much harder. I have every intention of going back to Kingston at least once a year for as long as possible, and I hope that my friends and family will be able to join me sometime and have their lives changed as well. I promise you, if you spend even one day with the brothers and residents of Missionaries of the Poor, you'll never look at anything in your life the same way again.

"The call to serve the poor is an invitation to happiness." - Fr. Richard Ho Lung

     

Jamaica, Part V.

Day 7
      On this day, we got to choose which center we wanted to go to, so I chose to go to the Lord's Place. Before we went to work, we got to go to Holy Innocence, the newest center that's been set up to give women an alternative option to abortion. A few years ago, Jamaica was trying very hard to make abortion legal across the whole country. Father Ho Lung protested, and when Parliament asked him what his plan was, he came up with this. Here, the six Sisters of Charity take care of mothers and their babies from pregnancy until about three months after birth. The babies can stay as long as the mother needs, but after three months she must go out and find housing for herself so that they can free up room for new mothers. Throughout their pregnancies, the women are educated on how to take care of their babies, and when the children are born, they're baptized Catholic. So far, they have saved four babies, and there are two more pregnant mothers coming soon! On Tuesdays, the sisters offer free ultrasounds to any women that want to come, and on Thursdays, they host a general health clinic. Apparently, 50+ people show up for each one every week. Oh yeah, this all started six months ago. It's insane how fast the Lord is working here! When we got to Holy Innocence, we were greeted by Sister Joanne, the first sister, and she gave us a talk about the center and her calling. Everything she said touched my heart. At one point, she talked about how God always has the last laugh. Amen Sister!! I'm so glad that God brought her and Fr. Ho Lung together for this reason. They're doing amazing things for the unborn in Jamaica!
      After our tour of Holy Innocence, we headed out to the centers for the day. We spent the morning doing our usual tasks of cleaning the floors and faces after breakfast, and the rest of our time was spent just hanging out with the residents.  In the afternoon, I spent some time on the HIV/AIDS side of the center playing Parcheesi and chatting with the residents. It breaks my heart knowing that these people are here mainly because they have been outcast from society. In Jamaica, HIV and AIDS are seen as just as deadly as the plague! One woman, Ms. Cheyenne, talked to me about the time she spent in places like Italy and France. She even lived in New Jersey for a while! I can't even imagine going from that kind of life to life at the Lord's Place.

Ms. Joyce and her friend - HIV/AIDS residents.

Day 8
      This day was our last day of work.  I definitely wish we had a few more! After a breakfast of watermelon, unleavened bread with PB, and spaghetti (yes, that's all accurate), I headed to Jacob's Well with Caroline, Mallory, and Sarah. Jacob's Well was the first center I ever went to, so I knew I had to end my trip there. Those women just have a crazy hold on me! When we got there, we were assigned to brush teeth and apply lotion - the typical morning tasks. I asked one lady if she'd like to brush her teeth, and she nodded yes and proceeded to to dig in her shirt. I thought she had an itch that just couldn't wait, but all of a sudden she pulled out this little package. I was totally clueless until she unwrapped it and held in her hand...her teeth! After unwrapping them, she gave me a huge gummy smile and laughed, "I don't have any real teeth!" It was definitely one of my favorite moments of the entire trip.
      When we went upstairs for prayer and lunch, we started to hear these reallyyyy loud noises. I can't lie, it definitely sounded like a jet was about to fly right into the room. Two of our girls thought we were being bombed and started to pray and cry, and all of the local Jamaica girls got a big kick out of that!  As it turns out, this day was the Jamaican Labor Day, and the jets were doing an air show all day. After lunch, snack time, and a serious roach attack, we went outside to wait for our ride, and all hell broke loose. One of the residents went at another one twice her size with a spoon and started beating her, so the big one smacked her as hard as she possibly could in the head with her hand. The spoon-weilding one immediately started throwing a huge fit, and the brothers had to drag her into the dorms, pretend to lock it, and give her TicTacs to calm her down. And that was their second fight of the day! That poor lady was still in a fit when we left ten minutes later. The brothers have to deal with some crazy stuff sometimes!
      After we got home, we had a pretty chill afternoon and evening until after dinner.  Brother Rey and Brother Elijah had planned a movie night, and let's just say their movie choices were a little different than what any of us would pick! First, we watched the Fr. Ho Lung and Friends concert DVD, and that gave us all a really good laugh. It's like...really corny music videos produced in the 90s. After that, we watched a short documentary about MOP that airs on EWTN. I hope I see it at home sometime. It would be so awesome to get to see some of the beloved residents and brothers on American TV! Our last video of the night was this 3 hour long movie in some other language about the life of Saint Moscati. Okay, as weird and awful as it sounds, it was really good! We had to stop watching at a really sad part, and we all still want to finish it!

Parcheesi at the Lord's Place.

Jamaica, Part IV.

Day 5
      We finally got to go to Sunday mass at Bethlehem! After a quick breakfast, we headed to the different centers to get the able residents ready for church. I was but in charge of a beautiful little girl named Felissia. I wish I had a picture of her! At first, I wasn't sure she knew what was going on, but then she gave me the prettiest smile I've ever seen. I dressed her in her Sunday best, and then we headed to church with Chrissy and her little friend.  We sat with Bethany, the ring leader from Lord's Place, in the front row of the church, and we took care of most of the little ones who were in wheelchairs and strollers.  The Caribbean mass is so upbeat and exciting.  If only America would take a hint! It's so hard to stop yourself from singing their Alleluia and clapping your hands when you get back to the states.  When it's time to bring up the offerings, many of the people from around town walk up and offer whatever they've got.  For most, it's a bag of mangoes or vegetables.  Honestly, it brings tears to my eyes every time I even think about it.  Why do I find it so hard to give some of what I've got when these people are giving everything they possibly can? Maybe I'm the one who needs to take a hint.
      After Mass, we had lunch with the brothers of Sacred Heart.  Before we were able to eat, we had to perform two very unpracticed songs for the brothers. We didn't sound as awful as expected, but some more practice definitely would've helped! As I was talking with one of the brothers over a meal of, believe it or not, chicken and rice, he said, "The more we suffer, the happier we are." We both kind of laughed at this, and agreed that it sounded crazy but was so true. There's a catch though. If we embrace our sufferings and count on God to take care of us, we'll eventually get past our troubles and feel the inner peace and inner joy we seek so desperately. When Brother said inner peace, I found myself smiling. It's as if he knew that was something I had struggled with and prayed so much about!
      After lunch, we headed back home for an afternoon of rest. Later, we got to have some sharing time, and I was lucky enough to be in a group led by Brother Elijah. After we had all shared, he told us the story of his first day in the centers. It's so comforting to hear that even the brothers struggle to adjust at first. When you're around them, it seems like everything comes so easy to them! After dinner, Bro. Elijah told us that he has to make things "spicy" for us because we're staying for so long. His kind demeanor, patience, and overuse of the word maybe make him so enjoyable to be around. Heck, I love all of the brothers!

Yes Garrett, this used to be your picture. Hehe :)

Day 6

      On this day, I went to Faith Center, one of the men's centers, for the first time.  This was the first center started by Fr. Ho Lung, and the sign outside still says Brothers of the Poor (the original name of the order) which is pretty neat. Fr. Ho Lung even lived here with the residents in the beginning! When we arrived at the center, I was a little nervous about how the men would act, but they turned out to be the sweetest, gentlest guys ever.  I was assigned to clip fingernails and toenails...yes, toenails. If you know me, you know that that was definitely the hardest task I could have been assigned.  At first I found myself kind of avoiding the task, but eventually I overcame that because I knew these people deserved to be taken care of, and I owed them for all the love they'd already given me. The least I could do to repay them was clip their nails!  At one point, I convinced a blind, deaf, and mute man to let me cut his nails.  He had refused to let Awet do it, but after a few minutes, he understood what I wanted and agreed to let me do it.  A few minutes after I finished cutting his nails, threw his feet on my lap and pointed to his toes. I am positive God was chuckling at me at this point. I took that man's dirty, sore-filled feet into my hands, and I clipped his toenails with as much ease as if I was clipping my own. Let's be real - I never would have been able to do that without God's grace!

      After finishing my duties, I joined Chrissy and a resident named Roger for a game of frisbee. Roger wasn't very mobile, but he sure knew how to throw a frisbee better than we did! I'm pretty sure he would play 24/7 as long as there was someone in front of him willing to catch.  Once he wore me out, I sat down to talk to a blind man named Mr. George. At one point he was just like, "I love you, Emily," and I'm telling you, that was the voice of God! Honestly, that was the first time in months that I heard that phrase from someone other than my family and truly felt the love behind it. That man had nothing but love to give me, and I appreciated it so much. So, so much. Someone remind me to make my loved ones feel loved as soon as possible!

Roger, the frisbee machine!

      After lunch, I handed out snacks and water with Chrissy while Tim and Daniel (our Notre Dame boys) shaved faces.  I'm not sure I could've handled that, so I'm glad they were there! I was lucky enough to get to have another chat with Mr. George, and we talked all about what I feel called to do with my life. He told me to recognize the Lord's presence in my studies and to constantly thank him for giving me that knowledge that I've attained so far.  He wanted me to go home and tell everyone I know about him so that when they go to Jamaica, they can tell him they learned about him from me. So, here it is. Go to Kingston and meet Mr. George. I promise you won't regret it!

My man, Mr. George.

Jamaica, Part III.

      Wow, I totally meant to have this trip totally recounted in like three days, but all of a sudden I was making a 20 hour round trip to Oklahoma City for the Women's College World Series, one of my friends was getting married, and I was starting summer school.  More on all of that later though. Now, let's get back to Jamaica!

Day 4
      This day was totally incredible.  In the morning, we got to celebrate Mass with Father Hayden, one of the first men to follow Fr. Ho Lung on his crazy journey. I'll write more about this guy later - he's insane and amazing! After Mass, I worked for a few hours in the morning at Bethlehem, the children's home. It's probably a good thing that Saturdays are short work days because Bethlehem is definitely the hardest center for me.  There's something about bottle feeding a "child" that is so helpless they can't even bend their arms and legs on their own that gets to me.  I say "child" because here, there are residents who are in their teens and even twenties who fit into a child's crib. At one point, I was in the little girls' room, and I was spending time with a resident named Roxanne. She was in so much pain, and there was literally nothing I could do to take that away from her. There was nothing more I wanted at that moment than to help her carry her cross, and I couldn't! It was so heartbreaking.
      After finishing the work day and having a quick lunch, we headed to Mount Tabor!!! Mount Tabor is this beautiful home up on the top of a mountain where the brothers and retreat participants go for a time of silent prayer. Brothers live stay there for an entire year and are constantly in prayer! Props to them because I could hardly handle one day of keeping my mouth shut. Our bus ride wasn't nearly as scary as last years, but that one is really hard to beat. Right when we got to the top of the mountain, I saw a pig being slaughtered at the "zoo", and I knew it would be a very interesting day. Again this year, I was struck how purely and naturally beautiful everything was. It's almost impossible to let anything bother you when you're up at the top of that mountain surrounded by an environment that looks the way God intended it too.

It doesn't get more beautiful than this.

      After seeing all of the giant pigs and teeny weeny rabbits at the zoo, we went to visit the Beatitudes, the orphanage on the mountain.  These little boys are the sickest kids of all, and it's so hard to see them in this environment.  The brothers and the lay people take care of them so well, but as an American, it can be difficult to stop yourself from scooping them all up and taking them back to the states sometimes. I spent most of my time with a little boy who couldn't talk very much. I think he sat on my lap for at least half an hour pressing every button on my watch to see how it would change.  I think that was the most peace I'd felt within myself in a long, long time.

My sweet friend.

      Once we left the orphanage, Brother Christopher took us on an adventure into the woods. I think we were looking for a waterfall, but after what felt like hours, we turned back around and emerged from the forest with a couple of limes and cacao plants. When we got back to the house, we saw Brother Vincent! He was in charge of us last year, so we were really happy to see him again.

He might look serious, but he's a total goob. And an Usher look-a-like!

      Eventually, we made out way back to Jesus the Redeemer to have dinner with the brothers on our patio.  Caroline, Garrett, and I sat with Brother Ray. Little did we know this was the first of many crazy conversations we'd have with these MOPs! He told us all about how he pretty much snuck into this monastic order, and how when he left home, he told himself he wasn't going to go back...and he hasn't. For eleven years. I can't even imagine what that's like. I hate going more than a month without seeing my family, and I can talk to them on the phone as often as I'd like! As a brother, you write monthly letters, but that's it.  He also told us that when he was in charge of Bethlehem, he liked to take one of the residents and swing with him on the swing for hours when he was having a rough day.  He told us that when things felt difficult at Bethlehem, he would ask himself, "What would my mother do?" and he would be able to do what he needed to do. That really struck me, and for the rest of the week, I asked myself the same thing when I faced a difficult situation. My goodness, our mothers do so much for us! I mean seriously, I could spend hours thanking my mom for everything she has ever done for me, and I'd feel like I hadn't covered anything. Too blessed!

     Once we finished dinner, we made a huge circle and shared some of our experiences with the brothers.   To end the night, we sang Building Community together, and we all did the dance! Just typing the name has put the song in my head, and I'm sure it'll be there for hours. It's I...It's I...It's I who builds community!

Bro. Elijah and some of our girls singing Building Community!

Jamaica, Part II.

Onward we must go!

Day 3
      Today, I worked at the Lord's Place with Caroline, Chrissy, Lizzie, and Adele.  I think this is the biggest home, since it has a side for elderly women and a side for HIV/AIDS patients. Once again, I was struck by how familiar all of the residents were.  They were ready to dance the minute we walked in, and Fr. Todd did a wonderful job of getting down with the ladies!  At one point, Caroline asked one of the girls why she looked so sad.  The girl told her that she was missing her mom and didn't know when she'd get to see her again.  As they talked, she told Caroline that she was 19 and had been at the Lord's Place for three years.  She hadn't seen her mother since she got there.  How heartbreaking is that? So many of us are quick to lash out at our moms or roll out eyes when we don't like what they have to say.  We don't think twice before saying something hurtful when caught in a disagreement.  Would your mom ever drop you off and leave you for, most probably, the rest of your life to live in a center full of mentally ill women? Yeah, I didn't think so.  I definitely took a few steps back and thought about everything my mom has ever done for me. Geez, I owe her so much! I could say thank you millions of times, and it still wouldn't feel sufficient.
      During lunch, we celebrated Brother Leo's birthday!  There was cake AND soda, which means this was a really, really big deal.  It was really cool to see what a birthday celebration is like for these guys.  They have a huge meal full of laughter just like we do, and they also give really nice speeches about the person celebrating their birthday.  Oh, and me and Caroline's favorite brother from last year recognized us! So exciting!!! In the afternoon, we fed the residents their yogurt (it will be a long time before I eat Yoplait again) and watched a movie with them.  When the work day was done, we were reunited with a very solemn group from Bethlehem, the children's home.  That morning, one of their residents had died, most likely from a seizure.  It just so happens, we found out later, that the girl's mother was coming to visit for the first time in six months that day. God works in such mysterious ways, doesn't he? While I found myself feeling somewhat sad for the girl and her family, I felt so happy for her because she is finally freed from her imperfect body and sitting right next to the man who loved her through it all!
      After we got home from working, I went with Chrissy and Maggie to watch some of the boys play futbol with the brothers.  We went to a local park, and since girls are not allowed to participate in games whatsoever with the brothers, we just sat and watched. We made a 12 year old friend who responded to every question with a "No, Miss," or "Yes, Miss," response. I truly hope he escapes the pull of the ghetto and is able to make something of himself! He gave us all gifts to bring back with us to America, and even though we couldn't bring the strange plants on the plane, I did manage to sneak home a few seeds. ;)

Soccer in the mountains.

      After returning from soccer, we went to evening prayer then had dinner together. I noticed then that we were slowly but surely becoming a family, even with Tim, Daniel, and Awet from Notre Dame. When working with MOP, you quickly realize there are very few people who will ever understand your experiences. Only the people in your group won't look at you like you're a crazy person once you get home! At dinner, we talking about the two martyrs.  In 2003, two brothers were shot and killed by a single bullet while doing the dishes.  Today, when the brothers tell the story, they smile the whole time. For us, it's hard to image being happy that someone is gone, but on their picture at every center the brothers have put their "Birthday in Heaven".  They realize how great a life those brothers are living now, and they were able to forgive the man who killed them.  They even helped out his wife financially when he himself was shot and killed! After hearing that, I realized that I need to work on forgiving people in my own life. It can be hard to forgive those who really hurt you, but holding grudges only holds you back.